new year's dreaming...

I love this time of year as we look to the new year - it's a time to dream & set goals. So in that spirit I made the following image:
Remember those goal's collages you would make in young women's where you would cut out all of the images from magazines and glue them on a posterboard? Well, I like visual inspiration so I made one - but with google images and photoshop instead of the old fashioned way. This isn't everything I want in this next year - but kind of my dream of who I'll be in 50 years. These are my life goals - and hopefully having this around(I printed it out) will keep me focused so I can work on some things this coming year...

One year ago today...

....I was sitting in my OBGYN's office waiting for my ultrasound. I was HUGELY excited. Mike was with me and we had gotten Elijah out of school so could find out if he was getting that sister he was praying for or another brother. Andrew was at my sister-in-law Anna Lisa's house since he was only 2 and wouldn't have really gotten what was going on.

After getting there we found out that my appointment was an hour earlier than I had thought and they were going to make me come back the next week. I was sooo bothered - as any pregnant girl would be to have to wait. But then they decided they could fit me in if I would wait. We waited and finally got in. Immediately I knew something was wrong by the look on the technician's face. She then went out and got my doctor and when my doctor came in they checked a few things together and then they sent Elijah out. Once that happened I started getting tears in my eyes. Mike still had no idea that anything was wrong but I knew something big was about to happen. All I could say to my doctor was, "The baby isn't doing so well, is it?" She replied, "No honey, the baby's not alive."

It turned out that the baby died sometime in the days before the ultrasound - probably about two days before. We had to go out and explain to my excited 5 year old that the baby had died. We were all profoundly sad. It was really hard. We then had to make the calls to moms and dads and sisters and brothers to let them know what had happened. We still aren't really sure what happened with the baby. Though she was a little girl - 19 weeks along. She looked healthy but it appears that my placenta got some sort of infection which in turn in the weeks before my ultrasound made it so my baby wasn't getting the rich healthy blood it needed.

At that time we were living in Kingwood in a big house that we wanted to get out of and Mike was in a job that was going down hill because of the housing crunch. Here's my post from that time last year. I am sharing all of this because now this morning I was once again at my OBGYN's office waiting for my appointment. Except this time it's a week before I am going to give birth to my third son. We live two hours north of where we used to live. Mike is working in a new job with great oppurtunity and we live in a small rental home with five chickens out back. In some ways, we are so far from where we were last year and yet we couldn't be happier. If someone would have told me that in a year we'd be here with all of the changes that have gone on, I know I wouldn't have had the faith to believe them. In fact, my faith is what was most affected by that experience. It took me a long time to hope again. To believe that good would come in my life. I feel bad that I lost that hope so easily and I also feel grateful for a patient Father in Heaven who was willing to gently show me the way back to hope again.

I already was learning that you never know where you are going to end up but this year has really exhibited that for me. And even though you may not have any idea how things will all work out or how the path goes on or where it ends up - you cannot give up hope. I really hope now that I can gain the strength that nothing can beat me. That no matter what life throws at me I am going to keep going forward. That I won't ever give up. Hopelessness is an ugly place to be. I decided after the miscarriage and other things that were happening that I couldn't put my trust in the "arm of flesh" - meaning my husband's job, my house, or even the lives of my children or my husband. It's a hard thing for any mom to even fathom when it comes to losing a child or husband - but I now believe that even those experiences won't give us a "get out of life free" card. We cannot be beat. We must get up, brush ourselves off, and keep going. Though the pain will be intense and sometimes, if not often, seem overwhelming, I think if we are willing to get back up then we will be strengthened and joy will return to us.

I have been so blessed this year. By things such as this pregnancy, by a loving relationship with my husband, and by the little things friends and teachers have said. When we moved it had only been three months since the miscarriage and our new church congregation or ward asked us to speak - as is customary for the new people. The topic they gave us was, "Blessings after tribulation". I was like, "Are you serious? Did someone put you up to this?" At that time I had some things to say about that - but this year has been a case study in it. So, for all of you who are feeling like you don't know how you're going to get out of where you are now, or how you'll ever get what you are hoping for...don't worry - it's coming. And though it may not be the simple point A to point B that you thought it would be, all those extra stops in between will make the destination all the sweeter and fuller. As long as you don't give up hope in God. Keep on trusting. Even in if means you have to chuckle, shake your head and say, "I have no idea how this is all going to work out, but it'll sure be fun to see how He does it."

I'm sure many of you are learning these same things and could share amazing stories of ending up somewhere completely different then where you thought. Wouldn't life be dull if it were any other way? We should look back and remember those changes & share them - to remind all of us of the beauty of life and the necessity of hope. "For we are saved by hope" -Romans 8:24

So now, I wonder where I will be next April 24th?

If I were a rich man...

When I was growing up my dad kept a huge water bottle in his closet that he would empty the change in his pockets to at the end of each day. Then at the beginning of December, we'd pour it out on the floor, count it up, and then divide the money between the kids. We used that money to buy each other Christmas presents with. It was always so exciting and there was always way more money in there than we thought there'd be. Well, not to long ago my dad gave us a water bottle just like he had along with some change to get us started. We've been filling it for about 8 or 9 months and tonight we decided we'd count our spoils so far...

It was a math lesson, history lesson, and bonding time all in one. We even found a penny from 1824! My dad must have slipped that in there.

We first divided each coin by it's type and then by dollar increments. We started with the smaller coins first and ended with the quarters just because we knew that would be the most exciting pile to count.

As you can see above the bottle is barely full of coins at all and yet the grand total was(drum roll please): $148.20

We were so excited and as we counted we all came up with what we would use the money for once the entire bottle was full - years from now. We're pretty sure we want it to be a trip of some sort and it seems that if you fill the whole bottle you've gotta have roughly between two and three thousand dollars - maybe more! It's a really easy way to save - I empty out my wallet of coins whenever there are some in there and any coin we find around the house, on the street, or in our pockets goes right in. Of course it's not a get rich quick kinda thing but I it'll do for now...

We also had a lot of fun with these photos...disregard my boys fingernails in these photos. Needless to say they got a trimming after this photo was taken!

So, thanks Grandpa - for all that you do. We love you!

p.s. Here's that penny - it's 184 years old!:

New Poll

I vacillate between two opinions -

1.) Your heart has somewhere/someone/something it wants to be/do and you should follow that because it will lead you to what you are meant to be doing. You should dig deep, think, pray and search to find the answer to your life calling and then never give up in attaining it. Once you know what you want you shouldn't let others discourage you or give you "the reality" of life or some horrible deflating talk like that. The desires of your heart were put there by God.

or:

2.) Life is like a long journey with many twists and turns and most of the time you really can't see them coming - and it's meant to be that way. You can't map out your life because it's just not possible - you really will be surprised by who you become and where you end up. The Lord has a path for you and your job is to just keep taking one step ahead - working to see what you should be doing today to bring happiness to yourself and those around you. You are clay in the potter's hands and you may not have the vision he has so you must have faith and put your trust in His plan - not your own because His plan will make you much happier than any plan you could come up with.

Now, I kind of believe both of these and yes they can kind of fit together but which is more your style? Which is closer to your way of living? Or the way you want to live?

In the end, are you dreaming and seeking your life's grand truth and calling, or are you anxious to find out where you are led? Now go vote!

What is my dream?

*****THIS IS MY DREAM - YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TAINT THIS DREAM BY ADDING A REALISTIC POINT OF VIEW TO IT OR BY TELLING ME HOW YOUR DREAM WAS NEVER REALIZED. NO FINGER WAGGING OR NAY-SAYING PERMITTED. THIS IS FOR HAPPY, WARM, FUZZY, & DREAMY FEELINGS ONLY - IF YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF THAT AT THIS TIME - COME BACK LATER!******

I am a dreamer. I LOVE talking about my dreams. Not my nighttime dreams but my hopes and goals dreams. When I talk about them I get all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel nostalgic for something that has yet to happen. So today I thought I'd share a little glimpse into my dream. My BIG dream. The life dream. The dream I make Michael talk about every couple of months as we are falling asleep. The dream that drives me - that I hold as a standard for my decisions and the dream that if I never accomplish, I will ask for in heaven.







It starts with some boots. I want to be working in the morning wearing boots like these - with a skirt. I want them to be muddy from walking into my garden to get some fresh greens or herbs. And from feeding the goats and the chickens and perhaps milking a cow.
















After that I want to walk to a house that is something along these lines...and inside I'm not checking my messages or talking on the phone. I am baking some muffins to eat or knitting a hat of some sort.


















Which reminds me that this farm needs to look like this in the winter...

















And also it needs to have one of these...so on those hot SUMMER days (note that it is only hot in summer) on those days me and the kids will be found here - with a packed lunch - wet and cold and happy as clams.


















And in the afternoon I will head out to my other barn which I use as a studio - as well as everyone else in the family. It can accommodate the old Triumph motorcycle Mike is fixing up or the machine the kids are building or the box they are turning into a puppet theatre. And there I can do whatever I want. I can have music on while I paint, draw, cut, paste, sew, write, dance - anything.














And sometimes in the fall I will host a party at my farm with lights lining the open field that doubles as a baseball diamond, a live bluegrass band, dancing, and fresh donuts and apple cider. I would also like to have my own maple syrup trees. And we will have a grand old time. And everyone will say, "I just love going out to the Knorpp farm, don't you?" And they will ask to host weddings there and church and school parties, and we will say yes!

And you are all invited. And it will be a place you will want to come to. And we will have a little guest house for you to come and stay in when you do come. I hope your dream makes you just as happy as mine does. It is truly one of the major forces working on our family - pushing us to try harder - to get better - so that we can have this dream.