After about an hour of that I realized that perhaps I needed a change of attitude. I deleted the post - you may have caught it before I did - sorry if so. We went to the store and got some green food for dinner. Spinach fettuccine with pesto and green grapes - I wanted to keep it simple so the boys would eat it! And I came up with a game for our family night that centered around both St. Patrick's Day and gratitude.
We went to CVS pharmacy and bought a $1.99 hat and some chocolate coins. We each took turns acting as the Leprechaun - who is visiting for the holiday and giving money for those who can name things they are grateful for. We explained that just like we will be rich at the end of the game when we count our coins - in real life we will see how rich we really are when we count our blessings. It's not a really amazing idea by any stretch but it totally worked for the kids and got their wheels turning because everybody had to name 8 things by the end - and in order to get the coin they had to be explained - the hows and whys. I really like this image showing Andrew thinking and then getting his gold. Andrew had some really original ones - my favorite was:"I am grateful for....ummm....that we can buy chairs!"
"Chairs? Do you like chairs?"
"Ya, they are really nice."
"What's your favorite chair?"
"Wood ones"(all the while eying the candy)
Anyhow, we finished out the night with some mint ice cream(it's green) and all in all had a pretty good night. And now, my doomsday has passed. A couple months ago I was feeling really down and I realized I had been feeling down for a while. I thought, "Oh my gosh - I'm depressed." I called my mom and cried to her for a while after doing the same to Mike. And eventually I came to the conclusion that perhaps it was like postpartum but during pregnancy and that I should ask my doctor for some medication. I wasn't sure how I felt about it but the doctor said it sounded like depression and gave me a prescription and I decided to fill it. Well the pharmacy was all out - a lot of people must be feeling the same way! While waiting for the meds to come in I started thinking and reading and realized that I didn't ever take this to the Lord.
The next day I was listening to talk radio - this time it was good because it was Dennis Prager and he was talking about happiness. He said, "The happy make this world better, the unhappy make it worse - end of story." And that happiness is a moral obligation - click on his name you can read his article on this. And I realized, "I am not making this world better - nor the lives of my husband and my sweet children. I can decide to add joy to this world or to take it away." In the end what I knew that I needed more gratitude. I took that journal I had made and turned it into a gratitude journal. I decided every time I had a sad thought - I'd think happy ones. That every time I prayed - I'd ask for things - with faith I'd receive them. I couldn't believe how immediately my mood changed. And within days I felt completely better. I have had a couple hard years with the miscarriage and other things and I think I let myself get sucked into all of that hard stuff - I kept finding myself saying "I'm having a hard time because I had a hard year." But there was always some new hard thing I could blame my blues on - now with my change of outlook I see that it doesn't matter what happens to me - it's how I deal with it. I know everyone knows that principle but somehow I was missing it in my everyday world. I still have days that are blue - like today - but as soon as I employ those few little tricks I feel better.
I whole heartedly believe that most bad moods or depression can be solved with gratitude. In "True to the Faith" - an LDS gospel reference it says that gratitude is something we must work at and that"you cannot be bitter, resentful, or mean-spirited when you are grateful."79 It has taken work to be grateful and happy - and it will continue to - but I can be lazy in my mind and uphappy - sucking light from the world. Or I can be mentally active and make this world better.
Wow - I didn't realize this post was going to become something like this - maybe I should have saved this for my journal! But I wanted to share it. It's easy to get blue - especially for us moms. But really I feel empowered now - knowing that as soon as I change my attitude and open my heart to the good in this universe - I will be happy. It's work but I realized if I was going to give daily medication a try - shouldn't I try changing my attitude first?
