Ok, so this image may be a little inappropriate but I seriously COULD NOT stop laughing when I saw it. Mostly I think that has to do with my stress lately over this topic of when you know you are done having kids. It can be soooo stressful! So, I'm looking for all you ladies who are DONE having children - like you have actually taken steps to ensure you are done OR have some final thing which ensures you won't have any more kids(i.e. you no longer have a uterus). I realize this is a sensitive and personal subject for everyone. But I just wanted to hear about some of your thought processes as you made that big decision.
So, if you are done having kids, tell us how you made that decision...
p.s. These people are for real. They're the Duggars from TLC's "17 kids and Counting"...but they now have 18 kids!
13 comments:
You might be laughing at that lady, but I am taking notes! Her children are all wearing matching outfits (she probably sewed them!) And they are ALL looking at the camera. And SMILING!! I can't even get my four kids to do that! Amazing!
i'm a little creeped out by having 18 kids. like the mom who just had octuplets on top of her already big family of six kids sounds like she's purposely having kids to serve her own "stuff," or unresolved childhood issues.
i know lds culture seems to encourage big broods, but i think sometimes people end up having more than they can handle which ends up being problematic for everyone involved. whatever is "more than they can handle" i KNOW is different for everyone. i knew when i was done having kids because i knew my personal limit had been reached and felt peace about that decision. i think it's only fair to take a hard look at what one can provide emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially, when growing a family.
Are you sure the little missy on the far right isn't wife #2? ;) Photographer has got serious skillz to get them all smiling and looking into the camera at the same time.
A far cry from 18 but one of my Bishop's growing up had 9 children at the time (they were still pretty young couple at the time, maybe like 35) and they sat on the front pew every sunday, angels...all of them, they sat there and folded their arms or read their scriptures, her house was always immaculate, the YW President, I don't have a memory of walking into her house without eating a freshly baked cookie, all of the kids were in satalite school (the gifted program), she taught them all piano and had a huge beautiful garden. Mother earth, I tell you.
Jamie - good point!
Anon - I agree that you have to take all that into consideration. I just want to make sure I am not excluding faith in the Lord when I decide I have reached my limit since ultimately he is taking us further than we thought possible. I think it's a VERY personal and delicate process. I am sure you agree...just thinking out loud. Thanks for sharing.
Emma Lee - those women both excite me and HAUNT me!
Maybe it's just me, but I felt like I was done having kids before even having one! I don't think I have that maternal gene, where I want to have a bajillion babies. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy that I had Elliot and totally love him, but if I never had another kid I wouldn't be even a little bit sad. Pregnancy is the worst, and having a newborn that never slept was the hardest thing I've ever done.
I think if we have another we'll adopt.
ps) Now I'm thinking maybe I shared too much and everyone is going to think that I'm a crappy mom.
wow. and, um. . . no.
we are done. i didn't want to be at first - but it was an easy decision. i just get too sick. i can't even take care of the kids for 5 months (all day, everday - throwing up constantly). we prayed about it and felt comfortable with our decision. when linus was a month old, matt had the procedure to make it "final". :)
Sarah- i had the same feeling after i posted my comment because it is such a deeply personal process that can never be captured in a blog comment. i don't think you're a bad mom for having those feelings. i totally get it. and i don't know that we can ever completely understand someone's point of view on many topics, even this one, since you can't feel what someone else feels...i mean some women could never identify with what you shared and that's ok. we're different, we have different families, different circumstances, different stages of development, different relationships, etc. i don't feel judged here, but that's why we should avoid judging others (including me and my view on the aforementioned women with so many kids), we will never have all the information or understanding.
I remember being at this place, some 29 years ago. I know it is not an easy decision, and I also asked the ?.....remember this is between you, your Father in Heaven and your husband! You will know when you have born the spirits that our Father in Heaven has to come to your home! YOU WILL KNOW...through the witness of the Holy Spirit, you will know!
Laura Barber Watson,Lindsay's Mom
it is so funny to hear people being self conscious about having too few kids. i feel self conscious about having too many! what an insecurity. all i know is that for the first trimester, i think i am done having kids. then for the first 2-3 months after the baby is born, i am done having kids. then magically around a year of age, i am planning for 5 kids. all i can figure out is that you have to play it by ear. if i were the same person i was when i first had flynn, i wouldn't be having any more. i keep growing luckily but i have no idea what limits the future or each new child will bring.
good luck!
I know you only asked for those who are done, but I just wanted to be contrary and pipe in that we are in the same boat you are -- we just don't know!! Actually, we are fairly sure we're not done, but we don't know when we want another, or how many, or what. As someone said, she's not the same person she had when she had her first. I totally agree. With each baby and new situation in life, I grow. But it always seems like the growth is just one step behind my life, which is not at all satisfactory!
We both feel that sterilization would be wrong for us. It's SO final, and we feel very uneasy about interrupting an entire body system without really knowing the effects. We also have serious spiritual concerns with it. But if we decide we're done, does it really matter what method we use? (There's an "I Have a Question" article in a really old Ensign saying something to that effect - that if you decide you're going to use birth control, the method matters little.)
I really struggle with birth control with respect to the Church. Both in my current family planning and when thinking about if we are ever 'done'. Church leaders in the past have been VERY harsh on birth control. I realize the current statements give us far more leeway, but I wonder if this is a case where the Church or the Lord are throwing up their hands saying "they won't listen, so we'll back off", or if the position has truly changed. Yet on the other hand, I think it would be crazy to continue having children if you really weren't able to care for them properly (emotionally or physically). At this point, there are SO many times I can't even handle 3. The yelling and immature fighting - I am referring to ME arguing with my 7 year old, not THEIR fighting - is insane. I either need to grow up and gain some more parenting skills and patience, or stop having kids now!
okay, i'm going to give you your own advice here. i remember WAY back in the day before you were married but were already in love, i was talking to you about "how you know" when you're in love. you said you couldn't really describe it, but that it was just natural and "you just know."
Not only did I use that as my guideline for falling in love (i'm so serious, and i use that as the advice I give anyone whenever they've asked me that question), but I apply it to other areas too. Like having kids and when to be "done," -- I think I'll just know. It will just be a natural feeling that comes. I feel like if I'm tormented over whether it's the right time or not, then it's probably not, but that's TOTALLY just me. I don't think other people have to follow that guideline at all -- that's just what would make me feel comfortable with the decision.
Anyway.
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